sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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