Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you win again, gameday.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
