Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
