i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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