just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
