just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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