I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I could make wine with my vomit
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
