my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
