Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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