I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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