You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
