Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You're a waste of cheezeits
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
