I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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