Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
