You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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