My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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