Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Randomize
