Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
