dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
