Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
