K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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