JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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