oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
