I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
