um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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