Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
