i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
