I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
