she looked like the bat from fern gully.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
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