did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
