I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
