I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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