end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
