yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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