Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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