im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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