i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
