I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
