yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
