batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
