I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
