Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
