Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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