wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you win again, gameday.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
