If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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