It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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