So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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