why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hippo gnu deer
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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