At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Buhtt sex?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
