Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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