I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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