Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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