im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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