I'm jealous of your bromance
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
