I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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