Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
